Where the F*ck is Toro?

<p>Stop touching your face. It would be irresponsible not to discuss the intersection of the coronavirus and baseball, so we do. Games have not yet been affected, but some teams are requiring players at <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/mlb/2020/03/07/mlb-coronavirus-autograph-signing-spring-training/4985526002/">Spring Training</a> to pre-sign baseballs and cards under controlled conditions in the clubhouse, to be distributed to fans, rather than sharing pens and passing objects back and forth. Clean club houses and chartered planes will protect<a href="https://www.baseballprospectus.com/news/article/57536/what-does-coronavirus-mean-for-mlb/"> young, healthy players</a>, but good luck finding 6’ of space between fans on Opening Day.  As a <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/npptl/pdfs/FacialHairWmask11282017-508.pdf">public service</a> we share CDC information about how facial hair affects one’s ability to safely wear a respirator. Hint: The Yankees, like cockroaches, will live on, while Dallas Keuchel and Justin Turner will have to adapt to survive. </p><p>Patti may already be down one starting-lineup boyfriend as <a href="https://www.cleveland.com/tribe/2020/03/cleveland-indians-oscar-mercado-feeling-better-but-will-get-mri-on-wrist.html">Oscar Mercado</a> is day-to-day. But forever boyfriend <a href="https://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/28851847/christian-yelich-stakes-future-brewers-215m-9-year-deal">Christian Yelich</a> is now a Brewer for Life, still an <a href="https://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/28844157/christian-yelich-cody-bellinger-walk-bar">excellent chugger of beer</a>, and needs to work on his free throws. Pottymouth ex <a href="https://www.si.com/mlb/2020/03/05/yoan-moncada-contract-extension-white-sox">Yoan Moncada</a> extends with the White Sox, and <a href="https://twelvesixpodcast.libsyn.com/">NCiB favorite</a> <a href="https://nypost.com/2020/03/06/collin-mchugh-it-was-really-awkward-pitching-for-cheating-astros/">Collin McHugh</a> goes to the Red Sox and lets loose with