Week 533–Smart Loving–Byron & Francine Pirola–Blame Game

Smart Loving –Byron & Francine Pirola–Blame Game (When we are both frustrated and stressed it doesn’t take long for the blame missiles to start flying. Everybody loses when this happens. The kids get two stroppy parents and we say things to each other that steals the joy of being a couple and leaves us resentful. Too often blaming is an avoidance strategy. It deflects our attention away from our own emotions of inadequacy or regret to focus on our spouse's shortcomings. Indulging and blame provides a temporary relief from intensely unpleasant emotions. But it never deals with them in any permanent way, it only masks them. It takes a certain self-awareness to be able to recognise when we are playing this game with ourselves. And it takes enormous maturity to practise the self-restraint necessary to resist our impulse to use blame and accusation to avoid those intense feelings. But it's for our growth, and it's necessary for our relationships.)