The Bad Habit Keeping You from Feel-Good Relationships

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Science tells us that we’re exposed to somewhere between 2 and 11 million bits of information per second, but we can only consciously process 50 to 60 of those bits. To simplify things, the unconscious mind creates shortcuts to size up information and reach conclusions efficiently. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That strategy works great for lots of things.</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When you arrive at a traffic light, you don’t have to think about what the red light means, and you don’t feel confused about what to do when it turns green. Thanks to symbols and mental shortcuts, you can sail through many daily situations — no problem. Those mental shortcuts can serve us well — most of the time.</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When it comes to relationships, though, those mental shortcuts can be a problem. It’s easy for us to jump to conclusions based on our perceptions. We come to conclusions based on what we</span> <em><span style= "font-weight: 400;">think</span></em> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">we perceive in others’ body language, behaviors, and tone. Then we act on those often erroneous conclusions, causing us to pull back, assume things we shouldn’t, make bad decisions, or even alienate others. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As much as we may like to think otherwise, we’re not mind readers. Not only that, everything that we do perceive is first filtered and then</span> <em><span style= "font-weight: 400;">always</span></em> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">distorted by our own experiences, beliefs, values, and perspectives. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Here's how we can make those filters less likely to limit us:</span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style= "font-weight: 400;">Recognize that you have biases, that you can never know the whole story. There’s nothing personal about this. It’s simply a reality