SCP-5902: "Dept. of Abnormality"

<p><em>Just another day in the office. Say, you fill out Form 4AB-82 yet? Yeah, I need it before the Monday staff meeting...</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><strong>Patrons</strong></p><p>Hopen, Teabag Chopra, Caryne Hampton, Stan Nabors, Ricky Dash, Shifty Rhys, Jeremy Holm, skyenet, Ely-Za A Crawley, Lillith, CJ Espinoza-Chavez, Alycifer, Will &amp; Andy 4Ever, Richard Solum-Windsor, Zachary Lessard, Dominik, Ash Taylor, pr0ud_librarian,</p><p>Benjamin Lorenz, JustPeachy, Yael Segev, Mackenzie Madsen, and Adrian Bundy!</p><p><br></p><p><strong>Cast &amp; Crew:</strong></p><p>SCP-5902 was written by CadaverCommander and MaliceAforethought</p><p>Host &amp; Narrator - Jon Grilz</p><p>Researcher - Tanja Milojevic</p><p>Mrs. Marquez - Rissa M.</p><p>Alpha - David Collins</p><p>Beta - Erik Kemp</p><p>____________</p><p>Assistant Editor - Jesse Hall</p><p>Sound Designer - Danny Sweet</p><p>Community Manager - Celeste Casian</p><p><a href="https://tomroryparsons.bandcamp.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Music by Tom Rory Parsons</a></p><p>Showrunner - Pacific S. Obadiah</p><p>Producers - Tom Owen &amp; Brad Miska</p><p>Presented by Bloody Disgusting</p><p><a href="http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">www.Bloody-Disgusting.com&nbsp;</a></p><p><a href="http://www.scparchives.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">www.SCParchives.com&nbsp;</a></p><p>Patreon: <a href="https://www.patreon.com/scp_pod" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.patreon.com/scp_pod&nbsp;</a></p><p>Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/scp_pod" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://twitter.com/scp_pod&nbsp;</a></p><p>Facebook: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/scppod" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/scppod&nbsp;</a></p><p>Discord: <a href="https://discord.gg/yW5BVPFgzp" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://discord.gg/yW5BVPFgzp</a></p> &#10;&nbsp;<br /><hr><p style='color: grey; font - size: 0.75em; '>See <a style='