"Masterdating", Pumpkin Spice Butt Wipes, & A Clueless Coitus Couple

<p>When you are all alone eating at a restaurant, now you have a term for what you do when you date yourself. When you need something to freshen up swamp butt, now you have something to use in the Fall season. When you never were taught &quot;the birds &amp; the bees&quot;, you may need professional help when you&#39;ve tried for 4 years to have children. Things have been getting real stupid in Florida of late as my Insane FL Nephew, &quot;Pancho Guero&quot; is in the delivery room with Ms. Pancho ready for the arrival of &quot;Panchito #2&quot;...as they await the arrival of a hurricane. It&#39;s a perfect set up for this week&#39;s episode of insanity...</p> <ul> <li>TX Motorist nearly killed when spear smashes through her windshield; </li> <li>FL Man Arrested for DUI Wearing &#39;I&#39;m the Reason the Beer&#39;s Always Gone&#39; T-Shirt; </li> <li>DiGiorno&#39;s Pickle &amp; Pineapple Pizza Ready to Enrage the Internet; </li> <li>Pregnant CA Woman Teaches Dog to Relay Her Needs to Husband; </li> <li>Michigan Man Suing Olive Garden After Finding Rat&#39;s Foot in Bowl of Soup; </li> <li>TikTok’ers Lose Their Minds Over Couple’s Viral Video About “Randomly” Picking Which Side of the Bed to Sleep; </li> <li>Grown Man Got Charged With a DUI While Riding on a Power Wheel; </li> <li>Mom Tells Son She Won&#39;t Pay for His Sports Because She &#39;Needs the Money for Botox&#39;; </li> <li>VA Bird Bandit Robs Man in Store with Parrots on His Hat &amp; Shoulder; </li> <li>Picklegate: Why Do Pickle Jars Almost Never Include the Word &quot;Pickles&quot;; </li> <li>A Man Robbed a Bank by Just Walking Off with a Bag of Money Left Outside; </li> <li>A &quot;Porch Pirate&quot; Literally Stole Somebody&#39;s Entire Porch; </li> <li>Man Arrested at Las Vegas Airport With 15 Lbs. of Cocaine; Claims &#39;A Friend Packed My Bag’; </li> <li>California Tough Mudder Event Sickens Hundreds After Claims of &#39;Manure Smell&#39; on Field; </li> <li>Bob Barker Came as Close as He Could to 100 Without Going Ove