EP 401: How to Get Over Someone You Can’t Seem to Get Over with Matthais

<p dir="ltr">This episode is about getting over someone we can’t seem to get over. Today’s caller, Matthais, is hung up on someone he can’t seem to get over but, as usual, it has to do with something much deeper. Often, it is the relationships that don’t work out that teach us the most.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">[For show notes, go here: <a href= "http://christinehassler.com/episode401">Christinehassler.com/episode401</a>]</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">As children, we are naturally intimate, but if our parents can’t be intimate back we start to shut down. Because intimacy feels scary and unfamiliar. And, even though everyone wants to be loved, they push love away because love has hurt them in the past. So, when love comes to us we push it away because it is unfamiliar.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">An avoidant attachment relationship pattern is when someone loves us and we push them away. It’s because love feels unfamiliar and scary. Love feels like it hurts because as children, we naturally love our parents. When we don’t feel that love back from our parents in the way we as children give love, it’s very disorienting and it can make us not trust love. So, when someone wants to love us, it feels unfamiliar and unsafe.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Whereas, when there is someone distant and aloof with us and maybe love bombs us, it feels great in the beginning but then the great feeling fades. Or, the person will give us ultimatums we have to fulfill and make us chase them. It makes us yearn for something familiar to us, and we often confuse the feeling with love because it is familiar.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">When we are hung up on someone, we think we are missing them but what we are missing is something we need to embody within ourselves. When we heal our inner child, we begin to choose the love we truly desire, not a feeling that triggers us.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Consider/Ask Yourself:</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-l