93: Sex Talks with Vanessa & Xander

<p dir="ltr">In this episode, we chat with the authors of the New York Times best-seller “Sex Talks” — sex therapist Vanessa, and her supportive husband, Zander. We get to talk about why sex should not be an uncomfortable topic, the “Five Conversations” in their book that could help us talk about sex comfortably and how to apply them, the challenges of female orgasm, and why sex should be a collective effort of both partners, in a relationship or not.</p> <p dir="ltr">[3:20] The Start</p> <p dir="ltr">“I think I wanna help people get comfortable talking about sex and especially because once I start having sex, my own lack of conversation in my own sex life was having very negative impacts for me.”</p> <p dir="ltr">[4:35] Marriage and Career</p> <p dir="ltr">“I was actually really intimidated and scared because I was like ‘Does this mean I’m gonna have to work on my sex life?’”</p> <p dir="ltr">[6:48] With Parents</p> <p dir="ltr">“If I can get my parents to talk about sex, if I can comfortably talk about sex with my parents, I think we can all do this.”</p> <p dir="ltr">[11:06] Sex Talks</p> <p dir="ltr">“We came up with these 5 conversations that we really believe are the most essential, crucial ones, that will transform any couple’s relationship.”</p> <p dir="ltr">[14:38] Conversation One: Acknowledgement </p> <p dir="ltr">“The mistake that most people make is we don’t talk about sex until something is really bothering us…Your only goal with this conversation is to get comfortable with sex as a topic of conversation.”</p> <p dir="ltr">[20:39] Faking Orgasms </p> <p dir="ltr">“I knew how to orgasm on my own, but I could not get there with a partner, and I faked it for so many years.”</p> <p dir="ltr">[21:37] Conversation Two: Connection</p> <p dir="ltr">“We think of sex as just this physical act that we do with each other, but the reality is, physical intimacy and emotional intimacy are deeply intertwined with each other. We really can’t experience one without the other.”</p> <p dir="ltr">[29:56] Conversation Th