204: Dealing with Taxing People

<p>The playbook on how to deal with difficult people wasn’t anywhere in sight throughout our entire schooling.  When we went to work this playbook was also missing from the induction training and from every other piece of training we have ever received. </p> <p> </p> <p>Sadly, not everyone is like us – wonderful, charming, amusing, attractive.  Despite our best efforts to be a role model of perfection, setting them a good example, others persist in being a major pain.  Here are 12 selective tips on negotiating with the difficult amongst us.</p> <p> </p> <ol> <li>Have a positive attitude</li> </ol> <p>Sounds like a motherhood statement but deciding to see the interaction as a learning experience in the real laboratory of life, as a means to enhance our win-win inter-personal skills, changes the starting point of the discussion in our favour.</p> <p> </p> <ol start="2"> <li>Meet on mutual ground</li> </ol> <p>Try to meet, rather than engage in a protracted email war or discuss complex issues over the phone.  Face to face is best and preferably on neutral ground for both of you.  Away from the workspace is often best, such as over coffee or lunch, away from the office.</p> <p> </p> <ol start="3"> <li>Clearly define and agree on the issue</li> </ol> <p>Sometimes we are arguing about different things under the same banner.  By defining the issue in commonly understood words, we are a long way toward achieving better clarity about what is at stake.  If the issue is a biggy, then break it down into bits that can be dealt with one by one, in concrete detail.</p> <p> </p> <ol start="4"> <li>Do your homework</li> </ol> <p>Start by taking the other person’s situation and building the argument from their perspective.  This often opens up gaps in our information or assumptions we are drawing, based on no particular facts.  If it is a negotiation, decide what is our BATNA – the best alternative to a negotiated agreement or our walk away position.  Also determine what we can accept, what we can live with and what would be an id