123: Maternal Ambivalence: What it is, and what to do about it

This episode builds on our recent conversations with Dr. Moira Mikolajczak on https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/burnout/ (Parental Burnout) and with Dr. Susan Pollak on https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/selfcompassion/ (Self-Compassion). Today we talk with Dr. Sarah LaChance Adams, Florida Blue Distinguished Professor of Philosophy and Religious Studies and the Director of the Florida Blue Center for Ethics at the University of North Florida, on the topic of maternal ambivalence. This is the idea that we love our children dearly but we can also feel very torn between our love for them, and our role as their parents which may make us feel as though we have to constantly put our own needs on the back burner in favor of theirs. We may even feel like we lose our own sense of self and our own ability to understand and meet our needs in this process. Why do we feel maternal ambivalence? What are the different forms that this experience can take? And what should we do about it if we feel it? We discuss societal-scale issues, as well as things we can do locally and personally to navigate this tension we feel related to our children. Some key points from the interview: 5:03     Maternal ambivalence is, having extreme emotional conflict in one's feelings towards my [one’s] children. Dealing with intense love and sometimes intense hate, the needs to be very intimate and close to one's children or one's child, but also to have a sense that one needs to get distance to have strong feelings. 8:34    I'm thinking about Bell Hooks' work, and she had said, “but had Black women voiced their own views on motherhood, it would not have been named a serious obstacle to our freedom as women, racism, availability of jobs, lack of skills, or education would have been top of the list, but not motherhood.” I'm wondering, is maternal ambivalence a middle-class, white phenomenon? Or do you see it in other places as well? 11:27   If a woman lives in a