My rugby injuries made me suicidal – psychedelic drugs saved me

<p>Lying on a mat around a fire in the Costa Rican jungle, I was too terrified to speak. I had just taken iboga, a psychedelic plant medicine native to Central Africa, in a desperate attempt to avoid taking my own life.</p> <p>It was 2015, two years after I had retired from international rugby, where I was a celebrated full-back, playing for Glasgow Warriors, Sale Sharks and Toulon, and had represented Scotland in two World Cups. </p> <p>This wasn’t the first time I’d tried <a href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness/mind/could-psychedelics-used-treat-mental-health-disorders/" target="_blank">psychedelics</a>. I’d tried <a href="https://mentalhealthtraining.info/mental-health/psychedelic" target="_blank">psilocybin</a> (magic mushrooms) seven years earlier, after a bad concussion, because I’d heard they benefited brain injuries. The harsh reality of rugby culture first struck me, then how players are encouraged to endure pain and injuries well past the breaking point. </p> <p>That night, under the influence of iboga, I felt a sense of clarity that was almost disturbing. New energy coursed through my body, and I could see all the trauma I’d endured through surgeries, pharmaceutical drugs, and partying.</p> <p>On my return home, I started researching psychedelics. Until the 1960s, psychedelic therapies were surprisingly commonplace in Western medicine in the areas of psychology and psychiatry. </p> <p>They fell out of favour, though this is changing now – ketamine therapy is available in the UK for depression and addiction, Australia has just legalised MDMA and <a href="https://mentalhealthtraining.info/health-and-wellness/microdosing-psychedelics-in-mental-health" target="_blank">psilocybin for therapeutic use</a>, and we finally have scientific evidence to back up efficacy for several mental health conditions, such as post-traumatic stress disorder, which the Duke of Sussex has spoken about.</p> <p><b>Winning at all costs</b></p> <p>A few years before trying iboga, I’d been lauded as Scotland’