EP 303: The Importance of Speaking Your Needs in All Aspects of Your Life with Shelly

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This episode is about speaking our needs in relationships. Today’s caller, Shelly, is great about articulating her needs in some aspects of her life but when it comes to matters of the heart, she suffocates herself. We discuss how clarifying questions can be self-honoring and relieve her anxiety.</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">[For show notes, go here:</span> <a href="http://christinehassler.com/episode303"><span style= "font-weight: 400;">Christinehassler.com/episode303</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">]</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Not knowing where we stand in a relationship is like pulling off the Band-Aid slowly. A slow painful rip off the heart. Whereas articulating our needs and having a clarifying conversation may be like ripping the Band-Aid off fast but it is better than the slow burn of hurt.</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Put yourself in a place of empowerment. When we give our power away and just wait for someone else to tell us where we stand. It produces anxiety. It is like sitting in the back seat of a car while someone else is driving. You don’t know where you are going. You can’t control the speed limit. You are just sitting there hoping it turns out okay. It feels terrible to experience so much anxiety. When we clarify our needs to someone, even if it doesn’t turn out the way we want it to, at least, we can start the healing process.</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Needs are not a weak thing to have. It is natural and normal for human beings to have needs. Our needs extend beyond things like survival. We need human connection and we need things in relationships. It is not needy to speak your needs. It doesn’t make you weak and it doesn’t make you codependent.</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We get fooled into believing that someone not rejecting us, or someone not judging us is better than not making self-honoring choices for ourselv