Everything Is Already Priced In: The Efficient Market Hypothesis and Why You're Always Too Late

Chapter 2: Insider Trading for Dummies: Why Even Your Dog Knows More Than You

Chapter 3: The Butterfly Effect: How Your Sneeze Crashed the NASDAQ

Chapter 4: Schrödinger's Stock: Simultaneously Overvalued and Undervalued

Chapter 5: Time Travelers Anonymous: When Future You Sabotages Present You

Chapter 6: The Illuminati's 401(k): Conspiracy Theories as Market Indicators

Chapter 7: Alien Invasions and Your Portfolio: Why E.T. is Bullish on Earth

Chapter 8: The Quantum Quandary: Observing Your Stocks Makes Them Perform Worse

Chapter 9: FOMO Sapiens: The Evolution of the Eternally Late Investor

Chapter 10: The Heat Death of the Universe: Still a Bear Market