Jack Tame: Mum likes Auckland, Dad, it’s fair to say, does not

<p>I’d been planning to take them to a fancy new restaurant. There were some walks out west I thought would be lovely.</p> <p>Mum quite likes Auckland. Dad, it’s fair to say, does not. But when they arrived in the ‘09 together for the first time in a couple of years, they both had the same thing at the very top of the priority list.</p> <p>They wanted to see my new home.</p> <p>I slipped the key in the front door and before I’d even pushed it open, Mum was gushing.</p> <p>“Oh, Darling,” she said.</p> <p>“It’s beautiful.”</p> <p>“Mum!” I said.</p> <p>“It’s only the hallway. At least save your praise until you’ve seen a bedroom or two.”</p> <p>Mum... didn’t save her praise.</p> <p>She loved the bedroom. She loved the study. She loved the bathrooms and the lounge. She loved the cupboard with the washing machine and the skylight above the bath.</p> <p>For five minutes, she walked around with her hands on her hips, loving everything, admiring everything, praising everything, and beaming.</p> <p>“It’s fantastic, darling. Perfect. It’s gonna’ make a wonderful home.”</p> <p>Dad, did not tour the house with the same technique or enthusiasm.</p> <p>He stepped inside, kicked off his boots, and immediately started examining the seal on my bedroom window.</p> <p>“Hmm,” he said.</p> <p>“What’s the putty status on these things?”</p> <p>“Umm.. I dunno. I think it’s ok.”</p> <p>“Sash windows” he said.</p> <p>“Only bottom opening. A simple mechanism but fiddly with the cords. You’ve gotta keep an eye on these things, son.”</p> <p>He walked into the lounge and lifted a blind.</p> <p>“Hmmm,” he said. “Mold. Get a butter knife and let’s check this. We’ll strip back the paint, prime it, putty it, sand it, prime it, paint it. It’s gonna need attention on the outside, too.”</p> <p>Room by room, he stepped around the house like a forensic investigator, testing every switch, twiddling every door handle, squinting at the corners where the ceilings meet the walls and running his finger along every window frame like a hu