“The children are drinking so much ranch water their little tummies can't handle any more beer.”

<p><em>Editor’s note:</em><em> Happy Friday, Fingers fam! Welcome to the 26 new Friends of Fingers who have subscribed since last week. We’re glad you’re here! </em></p><p>🎙️ Bonus pod: Big Beer's disturbing, deeply American vision of work and leisure</p><p>First up: for your listening pleasure, I recorded an audio read of <a target="_blank" href="https://fingers.substack.com/p/big-beers-disturbing-deeply-american">Monday’s newsletter</a>. Check it out in the player above, or on your preferred podcast platform:</p><p>Remember to subscribe to The Fingers Podcast on <a target="_blank" href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-fingers-podcast/id1583297286">Apple</a>, <a target="_blank" href="https://open.spotify.com/show/41DJfgSeLTo5dmvaTdLNwu?si=iOIHYvBGQVqmphjgt-Ih7w&#38;dl_branch=1&#38;nd=1">Spotify</a>, or <a target="_blank" href="https://pod.link/1583297286">wherever you get your podcasts</a> so you don’t miss new episodes as I publish them. All previous episodes can be found on those platforms, or in <a target="_blank" href="https://fingers.substack.com/p/the-complete-fingers-podcast-archive">The Fingers Podcast archive</a>. And if you missed Monday’s edition, catch up on it right here: </p><p>📬 Good post alert</p><p>As this week comes to an end, please remember: it really <em>can</em> happen to anyone. </p><p>🔝This week’s top comment</p><p>The stickers I offered to the first 50 people to buy yearly subscriptions to Fingers have all been claimed, which is incredible! Shout-out to those hair-triggered Friends of Fingers who jumped on that bonus. You know who you are! </p><p>I sent out a Google Form to collect mailing addresses from the Fingers First 50, and included an optional, open-ended question in the survey: <em>“Anything else I should know?”</em> This field, I quickly realized, was just an open invitation to Friends of Fingers with shitposting tendencies. Some choice responses (anonymized to protect the shitposters, god bless ‘em):</p><p>* “I spent almost 2 years keeping a spreadsheet of every uniqu