219. How to Be a Better Person, By NOT Being "Nice". Dr. Aziz Gazipura

<p><a href="http://socialconfidencecenter.com">Dr. Aziz Gazipura</a> is author of a great book, <a href= "https://geni.us/xHv8iDq"><em>Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself</em></a>.</p> <p>What does it mean to be a "good person?" If someone asks you to do something, do you have to do it? If someone invites you to hang out, do you have to make the time? If someone shares an idea, do you have to pretend to like it?</p> <p>Some people think that to be a "good person," you have to be “nice.” You can’t make someone upset. You can’t hurt their feelings. So you withhold criticism, you don’t express what you want.</p> <p>Eventually, you start to forget who you are, what’s important to you, and what you truly want to get out of your life.</p> <h3 id="youllbeabetterpersonifyouarenttoonice">You'll be a better person if you aren't too "nice"</h3> <p>If you’re going to <a href= "https://kadavy.net/blog/archive/love-your-work/">love your work</a>, you need to be authentic. And that’s hard to do if you’re too busy people pleasing to think about what it is <em>you</em> want.</p> <p>To be a good person, you don’t have to be “nice” – at least not in the way many people think about what it means to be nice. In fact, to be a good person, you can’t be too “nice."</p> <h4 id="howbeingtreatednotniceledtoabreakthroughinmycareer">How being treated "not nice" led to a breakthrough in my career</h4> <p>I can think of a time when someone was not “nice” to me, and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.</p> <p>I was trying to come up with an idea to present at the SXSW conference. I wasn’t famous for anything, but I had a number of accomplished friends who were authors or ran successful businesses.</p> <p>So what do you do when you have no credibility, but you know people who do? You put together a panel. You get well-known people together, and moderate a discussion amongst them.</p> <p>So I came up with an idea